Friday, December 19, 2003
tonight in the copy shop i fumbled with then dropped my bag of rolled-up drawings, and a beautiful hippie boy turned around. he was standing next to an easel with a map of some sort propped on it - he had been studying it carefully until he turned around.
i finished signing the invoice at the counter, then had to walk by him to leave the store. he had a long blonde ponytail, was wearing a green sweater, baggy jeans, sneakers. his face was smooth and round with a little blonde goatee. i walked toward him nervously, still juggling my bag of drawings, a little too aware of him. as i walked by i glanced at the map he was reading. The words "How to Find True Love" were printed in italics across the top of the paper.
what struck me as i was walking back to the office was how gentle he seemed. how he wasn't embarassed to be seen reading something like that in public. how relaxed his body was as he stood. i didn't talk to him, didn't even look in his eyes as i left the store, but something from that moment stayed with me. i think i need more gentleness in my life, specifically in my relationship. scott has a gentle side, but i worry that everything considered, he's just too poisoned to be good for me.
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i finished signing the invoice at the counter, then had to walk by him to leave the store. he had a long blonde ponytail, was wearing a green sweater, baggy jeans, sneakers. his face was smooth and round with a little blonde goatee. i walked toward him nervously, still juggling my bag of drawings, a little too aware of him. as i walked by i glanced at the map he was reading. The words "How to Find True Love" were printed in italics across the top of the paper.
what struck me as i was walking back to the office was how gentle he seemed. how he wasn't embarassed to be seen reading something like that in public. how relaxed his body was as he stood. i didn't talk to him, didn't even look in his eyes as i left the store, but something from that moment stayed with me. i think i need more gentleness in my life, specifically in my relationship. scott has a gentle side, but i worry that everything considered, he's just too poisoned to be good for me.
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Thursday, December 18, 2003
my favorite compliment from the day before my birthday: "you have very beautiful hair, ma'am!" (from a young policeman). i kind of wish he hadn't said ma'am.
there is so much going on i don't even know where to begin. things are happening so fast, and yet they're also not happening fast enough.
i'm still looking for jobs in nyc. my father said things would pick up after the new year. scott and i talked about how i'm risking so much more than he is. physically, it's true. but emotionally, he has no idea how painful it can be to be the one left alone in the apartment after a breakup. so maybe we're kind of even.
scott came to visit me yesterday for my birthday and made the biggest fuss. i loved it.
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there is so much going on i don't even know where to begin. things are happening so fast, and yet they're also not happening fast enough.
i'm still looking for jobs in nyc. my father said things would pick up after the new year. scott and i talked about how i'm risking so much more than he is. physically, it's true. but emotionally, he has no idea how painful it can be to be the one left alone in the apartment after a breakup. so maybe we're kind of even.
scott came to visit me yesterday for my birthday and made the biggest fuss. i loved it.
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